The Captain and the Serpent

AIE!

Oh, it’s you, mate. Blackbeard’s ghost, don’t sneak up on me like that. No, not jumpy – just startled, and you know it. Still got those cat-feet – haven’t changed, have ye?

How long’s it been? Really? I could’a sworn it was five weeks ago, and not a day over. Time flies out on the open sea. Sit – I’ll get us something. How’ve things been here on shore?

Good to know. I should go see them. Ought ta catch up more often.

No, this one’s on me as well. Ye c’n get the next if ye really want.

Hm? Whassat? Speak up, man, I can hardly hear you in this racket. Oh, the ship. Ye saw it, eh? Not a pretty sight, I’ll grant, but a pretty sight better than it could’ve been, mark me words.

Ah, ye wouldn’t believe me if I told ye. Hell’s teeth, I wouldn’t believe me if I hadn’t seen it with me own two eyes. I said two...

All right, one eye – no need tae get picky. It’s the spirit of the thing that counts.

Reef damage? If only it were reef damage! Reef damage, and I’d have the watchman and steersman on double duty for a month. Nah, this I can’t blame on anyone. Couldn’a been helped nor predicted. Too strange, too weird, too...too...

Ah, thanks. Don’t know when I ran out. I owe ye one. Or is it ye me? Eh. Doesn’ matter.

Where was I? Right, the ship, the reef – the reefy teeth. Teeth like rocks, they were. Long as a man’s arm. Came outta nowhere, right below us – creature from the deeps, I reckon, like what Old Bosun Pete says he saw when he was a cabin boy once. Only less arms and more teeth. Eyes like a blind man’s stare, cept t’weren’t blind. Sure saw us good ‘nuff. Slimy scales. Would you believe, I got close enough to touch it? Flashin silver in the sun, water flyin everywhere, ship pitchin like a wicker basket in a storm, an there’s me, tryin’ tae grab hold o’ the thing. T’weren’t no use, though. Did I mention how big...?

Mm. Good stuff, that.

T’were a sea monster all right. Monster of the sea. All...monstrous. Came out o’ the water, all arched and silver-blue, finned and scaled, great rocky teeth all needle-sharp. Musta been thinkin’, dinner time. Me an the crew, though – we gave it what-fer! We did, did we. Blinks had a net. Tried so hard, he did – monster tore right through it like t’weren’t even there. Too thin to hold. The net, that is, too thin. Course the monster were narrow, too, but big.

Cut Blinks a gash below the knee. He’s fine, fine, all cleaned and bandaged and prob’ly won’ even gang...garn...get squishy. Y’know. Yeah, that.

Er, I seem to’ve...yer a good friend, friend. Good friend.

‘S funny, how fast t’were. Ye’d think, bigger beast, slower down. Nah. Quicksilver an’ lightning on the deck – we caught it by a line, good rope, pulled it in, but couldn’ hold it. I jumped. Tried to pin ‘t down...lookit me elbow! Lucky ‘t di’n’ take me arm off whole.

Battle for stories, t’were, or me name’s not Cap’n. Screamin’, gunshots, curses to wake the drown’d dead. Wish ye’d been there.

Course, ‘t got ‘way. Shame. Looked tasty. Slipped the line, slipped the nets, an’ over the deck it went.

Reefed th’ ship on the way down. With its teeth. Did I tell you bout its teeth? Sword teeth. Like a reef. That rhymed! Could be a song. They make songs bout these things, don’ they? ‘Ere, ‘elp me make a song. Song an’ fishy-sea-dinner an’ a bo’l o’ rum...rum-hum-hmmmm...

Wo’ a monster. Wif teef. Size o’ me arm.

Too bad it got ‘way...